you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize