If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
