I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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