im having a threesome with these popsicles
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
