Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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