A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Floor bacon is actually really good
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