Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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