honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
