I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
