i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
