Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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