he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
