ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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