Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
