There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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