I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
even my farts smell like vagina
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
