Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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