just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
