just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Randomize
