mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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