direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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