he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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