Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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