wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
