dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
