So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
