I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
