I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
