hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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