i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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