Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
soo... how was my night?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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