He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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