so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
