Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
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Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
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And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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