She is in my trunk
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
