um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
