True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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