I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
