distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
