The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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