i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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