this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just high enough for therapy.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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