the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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