# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
