you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
