He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
