I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
