I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
