I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
