I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Little spoons don't ask big questions
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
This house was built for laser tag.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
