His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
