put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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