the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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