I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
whose ass print is on the piano?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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