weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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