Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
