she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
