kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
