wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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