I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
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