wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
