It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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