i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
