Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize