Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
