Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
