brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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