what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
