Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
