I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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