i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
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