hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
